Abrasion
by decuvieri
Summary: They say opposites attract. The question is, can the attraction overcome the opposition? Slash content.


**Category:** Mass Effect  
**Rating:** PG13  
**Genre:** Uh... General?  
**Summary:** They say opposites attract. The question is, can the attraction overcome the opposition? Slash.

**AN:** I am unhappy with the final outcome of this fic. In fact, I dislike it intensely. It ate up three weeks of my free time and chased off two betas. That said, it's been such a trial to get out that the only way I could be more disgusted is if I trashed the entire thing without letting it see the light of day, so there you go. *sighs*

Abrasion

There were worse conditions to be born with than Vrolik's Syndrome. Though Jeff "Joker" Moreau was hard pressed to think of any such ailments at the moment, surely there were genetic diseases out there way worse than one that caused legs to shatter more easily than glass. The pilot ground his teeth in pain. Surely.

Joker had heard the same old tune plenty of times growing up: he was fortunate to live in an age of advanced medicine. He could still have a normal life. It was mind over matter. Better than the terminal cancer those poor eezo kids got. So Jeff should be grateful that luck or God or whatever omnipresent deity figure had blessed him with _only_ brittle bone disease because, really, it could have been so much worse. He could have been born blind or paralyzed or even stillborn. He was one of the lucky ones.

Joker never bought into that idea. Not when he was a kid regularly getting his crutches kicked out from under him by dickbrain classmates, and certainly not when he was a full grown adult stranded on the floor because he fell while getting up to take a piss.

The _Normandy_ was only staffed by twenty-five crewmen (with the addition of a few aliens, of course). It wasn't unusual for those working on the upper deck to go extended periods without seeing another soul, especially during shift change when individuals were busy kicking their counterparts out of shared sleeper pods or grabbing a bite to eat. That was how Joker managed to lay on the floor for nearly ten minutes without being discovered: they were on B rotation, the _Normandy_'s equivalent to the graveyard shift, and most of his colleagues were turning down the metaphorical sheets. Shepard, the ground team and most of the navigation crew were on their sleep rotation, leaving the CIC feeling quiet and empty.

Technically Joker should have also been sleeping at the time he took his fateful dive. The nagging voice in the back of his head that always spoke in perfect hindsight sneered that if he had gone to bed like he was supposed to then none of this would have happened. But _no_, his pride had gotten the better of him. Joker often ignored his set schedule and carefully plotted what time he would leave his station so as to not be seen. Most of the crew knew about the Vrolik's, but Joker was fully aware that there was a difference between the people who had heard about it and the people who had seen him hobbling around like he had porcelain legs. When they witnessed it first hand, when they realized how breakable the smart ass flight lieutenant really was, any report he might have otherwise garnered decayed into pity. He was determined to keep that kind of thing to a minimum on this mission.

It was this bullheaded aspiration that kept Joker from doing the logical thing and calling for help. While trying to orchestrate the elaborate spectacle that was Jeff Moreau going from a sitting position to a standing position he made a tragic miscalculation. A faulty step. A knee too weak to support the awkward angle. A man so flippant he thought he could get away without wearing his leg braces. One by one these little factors came together to bite Joker in the ass, and in an instant the artificial gravity had the pilot laid out on the stainless steel floor. He slipped down into the seat well, legs crumpled in a heap and the rest of him snugly tucked between the armrest and the side panel.

The pain was excruciating. His hip had bounced on the floor and the discerning _pop_ had been a prelude to waves of hot agony washing throughout the impacted area. It was like every inch of bone in his right leg became razor sharp and coated with acid, tearing and burning at the muscle wrapped around it. But Joker had to ride it out. He had to endure it, and the only way to keep from outright screaming bloody murder was to bite down on his own arm – both to keep his mouth shut and to divert his attention from the real pain. The tactic worked fairly well for the former, but not so much on the latter.

Eventually, after a slow eternity of cursing God and contemplating just cutting his damn legs off so this would never happen again, the pain did begin to pass. At least he hadn't cried throughout the living nightmare – that was always a plus. However, there was still the problem of being lodged in a tight space. Gulping air like he'd been drowning, Joker struggled feebly to pull himself out of the narrow trap.

It was a doomed endeavor from the get-go. There wasn't really anything that he could use to hoist himself up. He tried grasping the armrest and then the console but neither yielded a solid grip. Joker tried to turn himself over wondering if maybe he could crawl out, but his legs were stuck underneath the seat and his hip fought every movement with a retaliatory ache. Defeated, he settled back to think but didn't get any immediate ideas.

It seemed hopeless until the rhythmic beat of combat boots came into earshot. Steadily the sound neared, pausing once with what could have been hesitation before starting back up again. Joker twisted as far as he dared to see just who was going to be privy to the comedy that was him at his lowest point in the day.

He should have been relieved, but in truth Joker experienced a number of contradictory feelings: on one hand he was immensely happy that the person who had found him not only had a medical license, but had the all-important factor of being unaccompanied when the unfortunate pilot was discovered. On the other hand there was the fact that his would-be rescuer was Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. While reasons why he was less than enthusiastic about the lieutenant weren't in short supply, the thing that really punched at Joker's ego in the throat was the knowledge that there would be smug, holier-than-thou quips.

Naturally Alenko wasted no time in appreciating the humor of the situation. He leisurely sipped from his coffee, eyebrows raised just high enough to make it look like he wasn't especially interested in what had happened. Joker waited in an unhappy silence for whatever wiseass remark was coming, admitting to himself with no small amount of reluctance that he could have perhaps laid off on the cracks about Kaidan's training at the Jedi temple and resisting temptation of the Dark Side. One would think after so many years of eating his words Joker would realize that karma had a way of catching up with him.

"Drop a quarter?" Kaidan eventually asked over the rim of his dark blue mug. Alenko was nothing of not predictable.

"_Ha ha ha_. Just help me up, asshole."

The biotic gave him a dubious once-over, the corners of his mouth sidling into a frown. Now he was beginning to look concerned. "Why aren't you wearing your leg braces?"

"You gonna get me out of here or should I start chewing on the wiring until I get shocked?"

"Don't even think about it. You take out the electrical systems and I'm the one who gets stuck fixing it." Kaidan, looking resigned to his task, set his coffee down on the floor (knowing better than to put it anywhere near the consoles) and knelt down as close as he could to the pilot. He took a second to evaluate the situation; a necessary pause to understand the mess Joker had gotten himself in and how best to get him out of it. "How bad?"

From Joker's point of view that was a fucking stupid question.

"Might have done something to my hip. Cracked it pretty good when I hit the floor."

"Okay. Um..." Kaidan ran his hand along the panel of the seat well, testing how tightly Joker was wedged against it. Turned out there was more space than initially thought and he figured he safely pull Joker up without removing the seat first. Kaidan was mildly surprised that Moreau didn't say anything during this intermission, instead just letting him handle it as he felt best. It actually worried him more than anything else: stoic silence was not Joker's forte. "Okay. I need you to hang on to me."

Irritating as it was to be in such a vulnerable state, Jeff knew damn well he was going to have to swallow his pride if he wanted to spare himself a great deal of embarrassment down the road. It sucked, having to loop his arms around Alenko's neck like some dependent floozy. But it was the only way to give the medic enough leverage to help him out, so Joker ceded defeat and just did it. Fortunately his arms didn't suffer from the same handicap as his lower body, and weight lifting had given Moreau the strength to hold himself while Alenko carefully fished him out of the crevice.

It took only a moment and Joker was hauled up on the landing. His hip ached in protest but shaking it off was nothing after what he'd been through. Happy to be on a stable surface, Joker's arms came off Alenko like he was diseased.

"I'll be right back. Stay here," Kaidan said. Presumably that last part was supposed to be a joke.

"Where the hell are you going? You can't just leave me like this."

"We have to get you to the medbay. I'm going to get Dr. Chakwas and a gurney. It'll take me five minutes."

"Oh, fuck that." Joker waved towards the CIC with frustration. "Just give me my crutches. I can walk."

Kaidan made a disgusted expression. "So both you _and_ Chakwas can yell at me when you trip and snap your legs in half? I don't think so."

"Look, I just don't..." Moreau scrubbed his face with his hands. Things were not going his way. "I don't want everyone and their mother to **see**, okay?"

Alenko was crouched down, standing only on the soles of his boots in a position that would have put fractures in at least a half dozen places in Joker's legs if he'd attempted the same thing. He crossed his arms over his thighs and quietly asked, "You're embarrassed?"

Joker rolled his eyes in a 'well, _duh_' manner. "I just spent fifteen minutes stuck under my own damn chair. I had to be lifted out like a sack of lard and I have to piss like you would not believe. Yes, Alenko, I am embarrassed. And stressed. And annoyed. That last thing I really want to deal with right now is the whole damn crew hovering over me because I've been laid out on a stretcher!"

"Alright, alright!" Kaidan put his hands up in a conciliatory way. "Don't freak out at me. You did this to yourself. ...Crap. I know I'm going to regret this. I'll let you walk, but only if you let me help you. I hear so much as a joint pop and I will put you in a Stasis while I wake up the entire medical team. Understand?"

"Sounds dandy. Can we do this or are we just going to sit here and see if I take root to the floor? Hand me those," Joker gestured at his crutches. Kaidan, sighing, did as commanded.

It had started amicably enough. After Joker had gotten to his feet and on his crutches he took it slow. Baby steps. One foot in front of the other, and though there was always a twinge of pain if he extended his right leg a bit too far forward or back, it wasn't unbearable. Alenko hung back, concerned, hawkish eyes examining every movement in anticipation of the inevitable calamity that would cause Joker to taste the floor again. It became so invasive that Joker was tempted to either bang Alenko's shin with a crutch or fake a stumble, but quickly he discarded both notions. He wasn't eager to press his luck.

It went on like that for a while, but around the time that they got into the CIC things were beginning to take a turn. Each cautious step became exponentially more painful. Whatever endorphins Joker's body had cooked up earlier to deal with the pain sure as hell weren't working now. He didn't know what finally set Alenko into taking action, but something had prompted the lieutenant to commandeer Joker's right crutch. He set it aside and slung Joker's arm over his shoulder.

Despite threats to the contrary, Kaidan was hesitant to employ his biotics. It was true that he had a pretty good handle on his abilities and, especially for an L2, had exceptional control. In theory he could have used the dark energy to lighten Joker's core weight, but... There were so many factors at play. Gravity on starships was artificially generated, and Kaidan would literally have to fight the mass effect fields while not creating _too_ much upward force so as to Lift Joker up into the ceiling. What's more, he doubted even the most skilled of asari biotics could create a perfect mass effect. There were always unpredictable positive and negative fluctuations no matter how hard one practiced. This isn't much of a concern if the objective was to send a hostile target careening across a room, but when dealing with a patient with hollow bones a slight variation of density could smash them to dust. In the end Alenko recognized that the potential for something to go wrong outweighed the benefits of using his powers, and that was why he resorted to purely corporeal efforts to help Joker across the navigation hub, all the way to the lower deck access.

As for Joker, whom the idea of using biotics never even crossed his mind, he admitted it was probably for the best Alenko was there. Actually looking down the staircase revealed this would be more of a trial than what he'd pictured in his head.

The first step down was insanely difficult. Kaidan wound up doing most of the work by supporting Joker's weight, making sure he didn't hold Joker so to further harm his injured hip, keeping him from tripping down the stairs, and keeping _himself_ from tripping down the stairs. Step number two was no better. The crutch was mostly useless and probably more detrimental to the case than anything because Moreau had to coordinate leaning on it and Alenko depending on where the pain was in his leg. Continuing on as they were would only end badly.

"This isn't going to work," Kaidan declared, doing his best to get a better handle on the pilot's form without hurting him. By then it was undeniably obvious to Joker that Alenko was right – yet another tic mark in what was already a magnificently bad day - and to navigate the narrow stairs even with help would be damn stupid. His leg was still throbbing. Even putting a little weight on it hurt like hell. Not that he was about to show it.

Kaidan watched as Joker's remaining crutch tumbled to the floor, the owner having apathetically tossed it aside to keep the ordeal from becoming an even bigger mess. Without it Joker was practically hanging by Alenko's grip, and the medic had to strengthen his hold around the pilot's ribs so not to drop him.

"Whatever. Just hurry up so we can get this over with." Alenko knew what that meant. He was grateful that Joker wasn't going to give the expected run-around due to the macho guy bullshit, because what he was about to do would be awkward enough without Moreau making an even bigger scene about it.

Kaidan took a steadying breath. With Vrolik's one slip up could turn a minor pain onto a complex web of fractures and breaks, and it wasn't like the maneuver they were about to pull was ideal for handling fragile bones. However, Kaidan was determined to get the smartass from Point A to Point B, and the only way to do that was to carry him. ...Well, no. What he should have done was gone to Joker's bunk, found those damn braces, woken up Chakwas and performed an evaluation before even thinking of putting the pilot on a stretcher. Too late for that now though.

Kaidan moved quickly and with little warning, knowing Joker wouldn't be able to support his own body weight on his own for long. Kaidan even used this instability to his advantage by bending down and letting Joker fall back into him, then sweeping the pilot's brittle legs out in a fluid motion. It was over in an instant, and like a vulgar ragdoll Joker was draped over the biotic's arms. The flood of cursing started immediately.

"Fuck, damn it! Oh, God, you son of a bitch!" A whole new round of pain was initiated in Joker's hip. He felt the grinding of the bone in its socket, and at that moment he would've even sworn that the pin itself was jutting out of the femur and was carving through his body from the inside out. In the back of his mind, in a quiet little place that was drowned out by the sheer agony going through the rest of his nervous system, Joker knew why Alenko hadn't given him a moment to brace himself for switch in position. It was because bracing himself would be the worst thing he could do: to anticipate the pain would have made him tense up, which meant more pain. This truth was still hard to acknowledge through the haze of hurt.

At any rate that was how Jeff Moreau ended up being held princess-style in the arms of a fellow soldier. In retrospect he probably should have opted for the stretcher. Maintain a little more of his dignity that way, not to mention completely avoiding this very awkward moment of uncomfortable proximity.

Never one to waste an opportunity, Joker donned a tight grin after the aches had started to pass. "Kiss me, you fool."

"Jeff, don't make me throw you down these stairs." The threat was only meant to shut Joker up so Kaidan could concentrate on the task at hand. Though, he did have to admit, the idea had a certain appeal. Listening to sarcastic zings from bitchy patients had not been in the job description when he'd applied for medical training.

At least Moreau wasn't particularly heavy. That made creeping down the level a bit easier, even if he had to still be mindful of not bumping into the walls or crunching the pilot's hip too much. Of course, it would have been much easier with a stretcher, but they couldn't have that, could they? Kaidan fought off the urge to laugh at the stupidity. Why was he doing all of this for Joker again?

Oh, right. Because he didn't want to make a big scene about it. Under that logic Kaidan should have put Moreau down before rounding the elevator bulkhead to the crew quarters and let him walk to the infirmary, but there were two critical flaws in that plan. One, Joker's crutches were both upstairs. Two, he could barely walk without help anyway. Just before he could point out the downfall of that arrangement Kaidan remembered something important. Armed with this knowledge he continued to carry Joker through the mess and to the medbay door without pausing to check if anyone was about. This ticked Joker off to no end – and he said so, complete with numerous four letter words.

"Relax. Everyone's watching a vid down in cargo. Hit that, will ya?" he nodded at the door panel. Joker leaned out and smacked the glowing button harder than necessary.

"That why you're up wandering around on your sleep rotation?"

"It was, but I don't really do combat action flicks. Get enough of that in my day job." The door slid out of the way and Kaidan brought his less-than-ecstatic patient in. His arms were becoming weary by the time he got Joker to the nearest examination table. After he'd been safely propped up (and with minimal hissing through his teeth) Kaidan set to work pulling the x-ray arm down from the ceiling. "Was gonna see if you wanted to put the ship on auto and I'd watch the helm for you, but as it was… Ugh. Alright. Be right back."

"Where're you going now?" Joker asked.

"Chakwas," was all Kaidan said knowing that would be answer enough.

"Can't you do it? I've been through this a hundred times; those machines practically run themselves. Hell, I could probably handle it if I didn't have to be in the damn thing."

"Joker, I'm a field medic. I rub medi-gel on burns and shove Curlex into bleeding holes. Rare genetic diseases are a little left field for me."

"Yeah, but even you should know what a broken bone looks like on an x-ray."

That was true. He'd handled a couple of breaks during his residencies on Earth – kids getting hurt playing outside, and a couple car accidents. One radial fracture from an obvious case of domestic abuse. Even so, Kaidan highly doubted that qualified him as an expert. Out of curiosity he'd skimmed over the details of Vrolik's the first time he met Joker, way back on the _Tannenburg_. The extranet had provided him with limited knowledge about the condition, though for this situation what Kaidan remembered offhand was hardly adequate.

"She would kill me if she found out how I got you down here. Doctor Chakwas needs to be the one to examine you."

Moreau didn't have to speak in order to twist Alenko to his will: the guy was sensitive enough to body language to read the messages Joker was putting out there. The pilot dropped to the flatbed, crossed his arms over his chest and rolled his eyes at the ceiling, silently proclaiming that Kaidan was inept, or a wuss, or whatever ugly remark an overly-defensive medic would attribute to such annoyed posture. Attacking his credibility as a health care provider was one of the biotic's few buttons that could be pushed in order to manipulate him.

"Oh, don't give me that." Joker waived off Alenko with disregard. He had the guy in the palm of his hand. "Hell… You better appreciate this, you son of a bitch. I miss something and you get hurt because of it I'm completely screwed."

Way too easy.

"I'll buy you a cup of coffee next time we're on the Citadel."

From behind the operator's console Kaidan scowled, "Nice to know my putting my career on the line for the sake of your pride is valued. Why am I doing this for you again?"

"Because you love my snarky character." Joker got the appropriate reaction, and Alenko looked at him quizzically. It felt as though he was trying to determine to what extent, if any, Moreau was being serious. He must have dismissed whatever had given him the shock because the glance was replaced by a deadpan glare.

"You want to put your credits on that?"

"No sport in betting on a sure thing."

Kaidan became too preoccupied with running the scan so he allowed Joker have the last word. Moreau heard the familiar hum that signified radiation giving onlookers a good view of the toothpicks that made up the framework of his body and he entered the mindset for this tired routine. A lifetime of doctor visits and trips to the ER hadn't done wonders for the novelty of medical treatments – just a few more x-rays and he'd accumulate enough rads to glow in the dark. Most people were terrified of winding up in the hospital. Joker had practically lived in Arcturus' intensive care unit during childhood.

That was probably the root of Moreau's and Alenko's tenuous friendship. Both were accustomed to being poked and prodded and drugged to the teeth to help deal with health issues. Both had rare, exotic conditions that were fascinating to some, frightening to others. Somehow an inherent ability to drive each other nuts hadn't killed the bond that formed from stirring out of a morphine-induced coma in the medbay to meet somebody in the exact same situation.

"Good news or bad news first?" Kaidan posed.

"Get on with it."

"Pins are all still in place. Nothing broken as far as I can tell." Alenko turned his head as though speculating upon the details of the x-ray feed. "But you've got the pelvic joint of an arthritic seventy-year-old. Looks like that fall inflamed what little cartilage is left in the socket. The bone is grinding against it which is what's causing all the pain."

Joker rubbed his eyes while Kaidan turned off the machine. A few moments later the x-ray was pushed back up into its place. "There anything you can do about it? I don't think aspirin's going to take the edge off this."

"Yeah. I can give you a shot that will take down the swelling. It's a quick fix, but it'll make the pain manageable until you can get this taken care of." Kaidan moved to the locked medicine cabinets, swiping the side of his hand across the biometric lock. Joker unwittingly took note of it. It was the same spot Chakwas had hers, but the placement of those identifying microchips in the fleshy parts of the hand had lost favor within the past five years or so. Too many cases of medical personnel being mugged and getting their hands cut open for the drug access keys. Alenko probably got his before that crap started. While he was thinking about this Joker half-listened to Kaidan's mumbling. "...And I mean properly taken care of, Jeff. You should reconsider getting a hip replacement with as much damage as there is."

"You sure do a lot of talking, but you don't really say much worth listening to." What happened to Mr. Just-A-Combat-Medic? Had Alenko graduated to orthopedic surgeon in the last ten minutes?

Kaidan must have taken offense. He washed up in the steel sink, scowling at his soapy hands. "I should have just left you laying in that hole."

"Kind of in pain here, and I'd like to be medicated today. You know, if that's not too much trouble."

That was the wrong thing to say because Alenko's movements became noticeably harsher. Latex gloves snapped against his wrist and doors were shut with undue force. Though one would believe drawing up syringes would warrant careful consideration Kaidan managed to pull it off twice with an air of utter venom. The pair of needles in hand Alenko snatched some gauze and disinfectant from the far end of the counter as though sterilization was merely an afterthought. Joker eyed him with suspicion as he approached, and when Kaidan yanked down his waistband to introduce the cold disinfectant Joker knew something was up.

"Really, it's no trouble at all," Alenko finally replied, sardonic, just before jabbing Joker in the pelvis with the glinting needle.

"Argh! _Ow_, damn it!"

"Sorry. Had to get it as close to the site as I could." He wasn't sorry at all. After making sure the contents were completely expelled he tugged the syringe free. "It'll take some time for that to work. I'm going to give you a mild pain killer for now."

The second needle landed in the exact same motherfucking spot at the first. At least this time Joker'd been expecting it. Flinching, he glared at the lieutenant, certain it had been intentional, but Kaidan made no indication of mirth or sympathy to the man's pain. His expression was blank and unreadable.

"Anything _else_ you want to drive into my skin, you sadist?"

Alenko tossed a band-aid onto Joker's stomach.

"Nope. I'm going to bed. You can stay here and get some sleep. Or walk around and stumble over yourself while the rest of the cartilage in your legs tears apart like paper. I don't care. You're not my problem anymore." Obviously Kaidan did care, but that wasn't the point. The point was Joker had managed to piss him off so badly that his collected demeanor had cracked. It was an impressive feat. Alenko wasn't the type to snap easily, and even though he was pretty ticked off at the biotic, Joker recognized that this would be the time to start playing peacemaker. Like it or not, Kaidan was one of the few real friends he had.

Plus it's generally not a good idea to be on an L2 biotic's bad side. Those bastards were all crazy. The vids all said so.

"Look, I'm... sorry. Shouldn't have snapped at you."

"Don't apologize to me. You are the only person you hurt when you don't take care of yourself. Don't know why you think I'd get bent out of shape about it when you've had this disease all your life and you still don't take it seriously."

"Alright, alright. I've had about enough of you and your high horse. You want to know why I wasn't wearing the braces? Why I stash the crutches away when I'm not using them?" Joker's eyes narrowed. "Newsflash, buddy. It's the _same_ damn reason you don't advertise being an L2. For all the dogging we had to do to get where we are, when it comes down to it you and I will always be defined by _this_ right here. We're always going to be the skinny little cripple everyone feels sorry for and the guy who could go nuts at any moment and kill everybody with his brain. The only difference between the two of us is that you get to hide your implant. My creaky knees are here for everybody to see, 24/7."

"Oh, yeah, you got it. We all sit around the mess and just bash you for kicks. 'So, you guys know how Joker saved our asses from an erupting volcano? It would've been so much cooler if he wasn't practically paraplegic'." Kaidan rolled his eyes but his remark lacked heat. His frustration had either been sapped away or safely concealed once more, though Joker would've hedged bets on the former. "Get over yourself. Nobody here gives a damn about the Vrolik's."

"Right. And Shepard really means it when he says it's 'no big deal' when you get sidelined by a migraine just before a mission." Joker, seeing Kaidan's falling expression, backed off a little. "We spend our whole damn lives fighting tooth and nail to get up the next rung of the ladder, and for all our prestige and commendations, what happens? Each time somebody has to walk you to the medbay, or sees you flinch... you feel them slip away. They lose respect in what you _do_ and it becomes more about how you _deal_. They're not trying to be malicious; it's just the nature of humanity and all whatever."

Joker met with Kaidan's gaze. There was something at work behind his brown eyes. "I never thought about you like that."

"Of course you didn't. Half the time I'm in the infirmary you're in the next cot over."

That wasn't the only reason, he knew. Joker had always meant to address the issue at some point because the underlying tone of their friendship was increasingly hard to ignore on small operations like the _Normandy_, but if given the choice he would've picked a better time and place to do it. Shore leave would have been preferable, but with the way Shepard had been running the show there just hadn't been much of an opportunity.

"Look, Alenko... You know I don't care that you swing both ways. But this crush on me you've got going on? It's a pretty big breech of protocol."

Kaidan about choked on his spit. "Uh, _what_?"

"I'm not saying it bothers me. You can't help liking who like, but you have been pining over me since we met four years ago and we need to get this aired out."

"We met six years ago, and no, I haven't actually. Where are you even getting all of this?"

Joker shrugged. "The quiet guy routine might make you seem all elusive to the rest of the crew, but you're an open book to me, bro."

To his credit Kaidan recovered quickly. In a manner that was a bit too smooth to be believable he tossed the needles into biohazard disposal and snickered. "Wow. Just when I think you can't possibly become any more self absorbed you manage to surprise me. Believe it or not, Jeff, your unfettering charm does not hopelessly ensnare any and all who might look your way."

"So then why'd you tell me about it?"

"Call it a serious lapse in judgment," was the reply.

"You? Takes you ten minutes to decide if you want milk in your morning coffee and I'm supposed to believe you dropped a bombshell like that without mapping out every consequence first? Bull. Shit." Joker crossed his arms under head, looking comfortable and unperturbed. Kaidan was making a point of not looking at him. "You wanna know what I think?"

"Not really."

"I think," Joker paused, heedless of that little voice that pleaded with him to stop while he was ahead. He never listened to that voice. "you were trying to gauge a reaction. Maybe test out the water a little bit; see what I would do."

It sure hadn't taken Kaidan's facade long to break down again. "Huh. Even if I had been attracted to you – and I'm not admitting that I was at any point, so get that idea out of your head - I would be well over you by now, trust me."

"And yet here we are, alone in the medbay after you broke procedure at least three times for me." Now that the pain had subsided Joker was able to reconnect with the emotions that didn't involve being irate or angry, and he couldn't help but pity Alenko. Normally that was one of Joker's most despised emotions but you had to feel bad for a guy who secretly harbored a crush for six years without being able to do or say anything about it. "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" hadn't changed much since it was instated as official policy.

"And after you demonstrated what an ungrateful bastard you are. Don't forget that."

"My bastardly qualities are my best feature."

Whatever Kaidan had to say about Joker's bastardly qualities had to be put on hold. Taking advantage of whatever painkiller he'd been stuck with the pilot moved to sit up on the examination table. By reflex Kaidan put a hand on his shoulder, effectively blocking Joker's chest with his arm. It seemed odd that suddenly he was concerned about doing further damage to the injury but really he hadn't thought about it. He was more curious about how Joker grabbed the offending appendage like the intention was to stop the invasion of his space. However, after several moments he still hadn't let go.

"I am not a patient guy, Alenko," Joker started, eyes and tone level, "but I have given you more than enough time to decide where you wanna go with this. So you need to do one of two things: either put a stop to this little fixation you've got with me once and for all so we can move on with our lives," he paused, "or quit worrying about regs or rejection or whatever and just go for it. I'm done waitin' on you to come around."

He let go of Kaidan's wrist (which was immediately retracted as though burned) and laid back once more, again tucking his arm underneath his head to serve as a cushion against the metal slab. He supposed he should have been more attentive given the delicate subject matter but Joker could feel the tug of fatigue in the fringes of his mind, and suddenly all he wanted to do was get a few winks in. He subsequently missed the curious way all the blood drained away from Alenko's face while still leaving enough to fill his cheeks, but he could image the stunned, flustered look all the same.

Alenko wouldn't carry on this conversation any longer – not now at least. Joker knew he wouldn't. The man would have to step back. He'd have to process all of what just happened. He'd have to – dear Lord – **think** about it. And only after he'd sorted out every potential danger, every single outcome and played it out in his mind - only then would he do something. Joker didn't know exactly _what_ he'd do, but he'd do something.

He sensed Kaidan linger at his side for a few moments, somewhere between vehement denial and haplessly confessing to the attraction. In the end he didn't succumb to either: as expected the biotic quietly retreated from the infirmary. He hadn't said anything else about the point that he'd been carrying a poorly-concealed infatuation for the pilot nor had he dismissed it. Not that there would have been any point: Joker wasn't easily fooled, and the implication that he'd been well aware of the unusual attraction would have reduced Alenko to a pathetically bad liar. The hiss of the automatic door signaled his departure, and Kaidan's footsteps drifted away into the subtle hum of the ship.

So the ball was in the lieutenant's court. Of course, he wouldn't know what to do with it. Regulations, social stigmas… God, Shepard would flip out if he caught wind of it. There were plenty of things for Kaidan to mull over and use as a viable excuse for turning tail on Joker's proposition, which he almost certainly would. He was a serviceman to the core. The rules had been programmed into his brain when they implanted that little jack in the back of his head. That was why Joker wasn't surprised even slightly when Kaidan didn't speak up. Because not committing himself to one way or another was the safest course of action.

He could leave himself a way out, which Joker knew he would. Kaidan was nothing if not predictable.


End file.
